The Day After

I always come to. 

 

And that girl,

 

I don't know who she is

hijacks my mind

 

She isn't me. She can't be me. But if she is, keep me at bay. I'll

bring harm to your life and harm to mine. Menacing, laughing

all the way. She told me today when she feels alive, there's a

steeper tilt in the axis, where God and humanity play

 

I want to run away

 

Eject

 

Waves of regret wash over me and soak me clean. I question

myself, was it real or a dream? I didn't do anything

 

It had to be a dream

 

She lives in my dreams. 

 

Unchained

 

I let her run free 

 

She's writing the things my unconscious brings, 

no Master, she sings!

on this pale blue dot

where Moses forgot

we're puppets on strings

 

The Eros stings

 

And Logos our God

who made the rules

we teach in schools 

was it He who said,

don't do this and 

don't do that 

you're a psychopath

a sociopath,

innocence,

drowned in a bath

and now you're dangerous,

lawless,

a rapist,

swimming in violence and charged with wrath

drowning your lovers 

in the aftermath

a prisoner in chains,

sad but unseen 

and now you're bad

a prisoner who's mad

and no one's free

 

It's not like that

 

I stand at the edge

behind the line

a line in the sand on a pale blue dot

 

Isn't that the case more often than not?

 

What have I done if I haven't done,

When I'm done with the lies and the truth is here and there's

no disguise?

I'm standing right here

 

It's just how I feel and all of me

exposed to the world;

the light of the sun

shining on me

can't you see,

hi

it's me,

suspended in a beam

 

I say it out loud and my ancestors sing 'cause they're finally free 

from the chains they've kept

around their necks

rotting

in dreams 

they've wept

screaming for me,

to change it all

'cause I am them and they are me 

it's upside down, what they ask of me

how can I marry control and rage and desires I crave 

on this stage in a cage

it's all an illusion

a grand delusion

of death and birth, just turn the page!

turn the page?

 

holy nirvana 

we're trapped in a beam

on a dot

on a dot

on a mote of dust in a beam, it's a dot

 

it's a dot!

 

we're trapped in a cage where dreams are chained to the

darkness of a world inside the dot

there's nothing

just longing

and I'm swallowed whole;

a sinking hole,

prey for the rapist

a hollowness in the depths of my soul

it's dark

it's quiet

you're not really there

 

I'll meet you in prison

I've done it before

but the prison's in me

and you've opened the door

 

I plead. I yearn. I've longed to be heard. Just listen to me and 

don't look back

 

take my hand, get off the track, jump 

 

now?

 

Now. 

 

Past the line and over the edge, deep below, to the edge of the earth

 

fall with me now

'cause I need to know, what lies below this pale blue dot

 

Just don't take advantage of me!

 

'cause don't you know

I'was once a teen 

who longed to be seen

'til someone took advantage of me!

now he's locked in a cage and so are you until the day you die

when you fall off the earth 

anyway

 

I'm walking away

 

I'm falling alone 

 

it matters not 

outside 

this dot

 

I know from my dreams

and all His commandments, 

they ripped at the seams, it seems

I don't know what is real 

but I'm starting to love what the darkness means

I'm writing my wrongs

and singing along  

for dust thou art and unto dust thou return

on this pale blue dot where I lie and I yearn

with you I belong,

 

'cause my shadow runs deeper

and the tilt is steeper,

and my arms are out and I'm looking down

 

I just have to make it past Saint Peter

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I jump

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